My local free weekly paper gave me the following horoscope, which might be the first useful horoscope I’ve ever encountered:

Virgo: A reader calling herself Rebellioness collaborated with me to come up with five revolutionised approaches to the art of rebellion. I present them here for your use, as they identify the kinds of behaviour that will be most nurturing for you to cultivate in the coming weeks. 1. Experimenting with uppity, mischievous optimism. 2. Invoking insurrectionary levels of wildly interesting generosity. 3. Indulging in an insolent refusal to be chronically fearful. 4. Pursuing a cheeky ambition to be as wide-awake as a dissident young messiah. 5. Bringing reckless levels of creative intelligence to all expressions of love.